I say now to people who think ‘urh why bother when we don’t know anything else about it?’ I say to you that the opening of a book can make a person buy the book and be super excited about reading it all the bus journey home or it can make a person think ‘urgh that sounds so bad’ and not buy the book.
Here is the opening of the story.
Does it grab you? Does it interest you enough to want to find out more?
Thanks to QI, I now know that the universe is beige. Not black, but beige. I also know that it’s wild and unpredictable, and yet it’s in perfect balance. Everything is determined. Everything is meant to be. All that was, is and ever will be, has already happened, is happening at the moment, and will happen again. Until now.
Something has gone wrong with the infallible system. One little insignificant moment has been changed. And yet it changes everything. A life ended too early, and another not yet lived. This is the story of two people, who are the same person, and they must choose, which life one of them wants to live. They will both die together, and only one will survive to not tell it.
This is this story, told through the eyes of that one person and those two people. This important moment of every single moment in time and space, will never happen again.
Let’s begin.
Now tell me what u thiiiiiink….
Oh and I do have the plot for this. It IS going somewhere very special no matter how retarded the opening sounds.
I have often said that most of the universe is made up of varying shades of beige, and that only a few of us are lucky enough to add a bit of color (I’m seagreen, by the way). Therefore, this is an opening after my own heart. I like it.
Keep in mind to write for yourself and not for the publishing. (Though I wouldn’t be surprised if you were published.) You can worry about selling once you have an agent, but for the time being, write what you want. In the words of Mark Twain, "We write frankly and fearlessly, but then we ‘modify’ before we print." Don’t turn it the other way around.
im sorry but i only read the first 3 sentences.
Like you said the first opening paragraph can make a person want to buy a book. and this definately did not catch my eye.
It’s too boring, and it sounds repetitive
oh and, you should edit it.
Until now. < is not a sentence.
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I have often said that most of the universe is made up of varying shades of beige, and that only a few of us are lucky enough to add a bit of color (I’m seagreen, by the way). Therefore, this is an opening after my own heart. I like it.
Keep in mind to write for yourself and not for the publishing. (Though I wouldn’t be surprised if you were published.) You can worry about selling once you have an agent, but for the time being, write what you want. In the words of Mark Twain, "We write frankly and fearlessly, but then we ‘modify’ before we print." Don’t turn it the other way around.
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very very good.
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i like it except for the lets begin i dont really like it when the author talks to u(unless its lemony snicket) in the book, i wanna here about the characters tale
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I like the concept, and I agree with you that the opening paragraph must grab the readers attention. However, I would say that the opening line must grab the readers attention even more, and you’ve got an excellent opening line. Write on.
I recommend breaking down the paragraph into more discrete chunks, like thoughts, or spoken words delivered in a monologue. I’ve used the same words you’ve used and rearranged them slightly to give the general idea of what I’m speaking of.
If you wish to look for a publisher I recommend checking out the classfied section of Poets and Writers at http://www.pw.org. They always have editors looking for new voices, the magazine can be read for free at the website, and its an excellent source of practical information for new and established writers.
On another note, if everything is meant to be, could the insignificant moment that has been changed possibly be meant to be?
Thanks to QI, I now know that the universe is beige. Not black, but beige. I also know that it’s wild and unpredictable, and yet it’s in perfect balance.
Everything is determined. Everything is meant to be.
Until now, all that was, is and ever will be, has already happened, is happening at the moment, and will happen again.
Something has gone wrong with the infallible system. One little insignificant moment has been changed, and yet it changes everything. A life ended too early, and another not yet lived.
This is the story of two people, who are the same person, and they must choose, which life one of them wants to live. They will both die together, and only one will survive to not tell it.
This is this story, told through the eyes of that one person and those two people. This important moment of every single moment in time and space, will never happen again.
Let’s begin.
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Shoot, this is pretty good! It does make me want to read it. As long as the plot is as good as your writing, I’d say you have a good chance of being published!
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I love it!
I’m already wanting to read more…
I’m very curious and I love the opening paragraph… It made me think for a moment before reading on.
Can’t wait to see how it turns out!
I would totally buy it if/when it gets published!
I just added you to my contacts. =)
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I like the concept of it. It is intriguing.
It gets confusing, though.
"They will both die together, and only one will survive to not tell it."
That sentence makes no sense.
If both die, how can one survive? And if the one surviving is NOT going to tell the story, then who is telling it?
Do not repeat words within the same sentence.
"This important moment of every single moment in time and space, will never happen again."
You also change tenses. Be careful of that.
The way you phrase your question is rather juvenile and so different from the writing style of the prologue. Strange.
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